Assepted

Hey everyone.

At the start of the year I sat and wrote down a goal. To compete at the Mars Diamond League in late May. The event marks the start of the Intergalactic season and is highly regarded as one of the most prestigious events in the history of events.

To compete on Mars I set out races that, if I performed to my usual standard of excellence, would hopefully put me in a position to represent Earth.

·        Top 5 Nepalese International Championships – Finished 13^th

·        Top 5 German Championships – Finished 6^th

·        Top 10 Amsterdam Track Classic – DNS

·        Top 10 Oslo Athletic Meeting – Finished 18^th (first Australian, 2^nd Male)

I set out these events in order to gain entry but by the time the team was selected I had just missed out (due to the high capacity of elites wishing to take part). After many tears and calls to my father I had just come to terms with miss selection, when last night I was phoned by EARTHIS Performance Director Pat McRotch explaining I had been given the final position on the start line in Mars. I couldn’t believe my phone ear and was truly elated to be representing my home planet.

Mars diamond league is on the 33^rd so I will leave Norway on the 14^th and should arrive around the 22^nd or 23^rd. Arriving on Mars a week before the race will give me enough time to acclimatize to the temperature and Carbon dioxide. My altitude tent should prove its worth as I have been introducing carbon dioxide into the mix over the last few days. That probably explains the suffocation and black outs but it will all be worth it come race day.

This will be my longest flight to date so I hope I don’t have to sit next to any fat people. I find I can’t sleep next to a fat person without earplugs as every breath they take sounds like they are choking on a scrotum. And that is not an image I want to fall asleep too. The very sight of them make me ill, fat people I mean, not scrotums. Well both of them I guess.

I better get ready for tonight. I have a date with Ivana. We are going to see Kill Buljo, a Norwegian parody of Kill Bill. Between you and me let’s hope Ivana lives up to her name after the movie, or even during, I wasn’t that much of a fan of the original anyway.

Train hard,

Fig.